Reflections on 2010

2010 was an interesting year for me. As I look back on it I can hardly believe that all of the stuff that happened was in the same year. The first half of the year was painfully slow, and I lapsed into a depression that I'm only now shaking off. I delved deeper into that funny thing called fandom and have come out with some truly amazing friends, something I never would have thought possible before. I'm learning more and more about myself.

In the beginning of 2010 I felt a bit rudderless. Nothing about my life was my own. My mom was directing me down the path she thought I should go, to predictable results. And suddenly I found myself seemingly without a future. Faced with the nigh on insurmountable fact that I was going nowhere in life I folded. For several months I stayed inert, resigned to the "fact" that life just liked to screw with me. 

It was about this time that I delved into two of my fandoms. Usually I'm more of a lurker than a communicator over the internet, but somehow I worked up the nerve to start up conversations to favorable results. I started using my twitter more and through that I actually got out and went all the way to freaking Texas by Greyhound. That awoke something in me. It made me realize how much of my life was being spent sitting and doing nothing. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to get OUT. OUT of my parents house, OUT of this city, hell even out of the state to a certain extent. 

After meeting a different friend in a much closer location I've come to realize that I have the ability to change my life for the better. Screw all of the voices in my head telling me I can't. I know that this realization was a long time coming. I owe several IRL friends a HUGE thank you as well for helping me through that long loooong painful process, but at the end of 2010 after everything that had happened I just sort of hit a wall. Everything just clicked. I had two options. I could sit and mope and whittle more of my life away not doing what I really wanted, or I could make things happen.

So now I sit in the early days of 2011 with a different out look on life. I've crossed great distances at great risk to myself and come out better and stronger for it. I've learned new things and have goals that I can actually accomplish. My life is my own and no one else's. 2011 will be different than the years before it because I will make it different. I am not a wallflower, I'm a fucking force of nature. 2011 is so screwed.